Before I met my wife I picked a lot of the wrong girls. The closest I came to making a big mistake, not the final big big marriage mistake, but the mistake of at least bringing the wrong girl here, was a lovely lady named Lera. I actually filed for a visa for her but luckily she got cold feet and never picked it up. My fault all the way. I wasn't paying attention, ignored all the red flags. I knew something wasn't right when I would call her late at night in Russia and she was never there. She was not always completely honest and I caught her in several lies. Turns out she had a Russian boyfriend and when he heard she was going to the U.S. he suddenly got VERY loyal and romantic. Not your usual Russian male characteristic but she fell for it. Also turns out her mother totally did not approve of her marrying an older man. But anyway it turned out for the best. The girl WAS too young. Physically a real babe, but not emotionally mature. Truthfully she did me a favor by not coming. It would have been a disaster. But I was determined. I refused to quit. I resfused to spend my life alone and I refused to settle for less by marrying a selfish American girl, so I went back to Russia. I knew in a country that big there had to be a girl for me there somewhere. I was a man on a mission. Four times I went for a month each time before I met my wife Lena. For us it paid off. I love her more every day and my life, and hers, has changed completely in the three years since we married.
Repeat after me- Patience and persistence. Patience and persistence.
Trust me I picked the wrong woman. She was american though. Its a mistake Ill never make again. All I can say is PRE-NUP. Without one if you get married you deserve to lose everything. I think your more likely to find bad women here though in the US then in other places. I was very gung ho about meeting women this way but there have been a few horror stories that Ive read that are making me nervous Ill admit.
I hope that you find a good partner, but I also hope you do not place all your hopes that getting a Russian Bride will solve all your problems. You will have to deal with the issues of language and culture barriers. I do not think men realize that this barrier exisits when they look at all the pretty Russian, Latin, and Asian women on these websites.
Yes these women are attractive, but please do not look at them superficially. They come from different languages and cultures which may be difficult to adjust to, thus creating more problems in these types of relationships.
I am from the Asian culture and have seen this gap. It is difficult for a person from another culture to adapt to this American culture. I saw it with my family's Russian bride. She struggling to fit into this culture. It is not as easy as you think. It takes time and money to take care of these women when they come to the US. (the government makes them wait a while before they can even get a SS#, which means no work permit and driver's license).
Just because you had a bad experience in your previous marriage with an American does not mean you should rule out all American women and generalize them as being bad people. Foreign women are also humans, like American women. They may have different cultures and lifestyles, but also different adengas in these marriages.
Again, when you decide to make this decision to marry a foreign girl from the internet, please becareful and prepared. And if you do marry one, make sure you have the money and time to support her. This will be a HUGE adjustment; it is almost like raising a kid (trust me, I'm practically raising this Russian Bride for my father and I would rather send her home but she won't leave).
Registered: 01-22-2006 Location: Eastern Coast United States
posted on 01-22-2006 at 06:52
my future Russian bride
I refused to settle for less by marrying a selfish American girl, so I went back to Russia.
I hear you brother. I will never again waste my time, energy and money on a selfish, spoiled American woman. American women are BORING to me. They are taught at birth that they are princesses and that it is just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as a poor man. Even unattractive American women think they are HOT.
The greatest priority in the life of most American women is to outdo and have more than her friends.
On the other hand, I find Russian women to be most interesting and sexy. My journey to find my Russian bride has been exciting and educational and I hope it, ultimately, will be as successful as yours.
Thanks for your advice and also for your positive attitude.
I've been married to both, and I can honestly tell you there is NO difference between the women. It is a MYTH than american woman are spoiled and self-centered. It is a myth that russian women are traditional and unspoiled. Women are women, period! There are good women, there are bad women. Has NOTHING to do with the country. The growing interest universally with men, and my former high interest in russian women was brought about by buying into the MYTHS, both myths. Obviously I know many american women and I know about a dozen russian/ukranian women here in the US. The only difference I see from them is the accent. All of them are the same about money, possessions, materialism. There values and mores are the same for the most part. I know american women who cheat. I know russian women who cheat. I know american women who are good wives and moms, and I know russian women who are good wives and moms.
Fact of the matter is the american male ego gets bolstered by a beautiful russian wife who normally is much younger than the man. Young american women seldom marry a much older american guy. That is the key, gentlemen. That is one's motivation for seeking a russian bride, but we won't admit it to ourselves. We would rather extend the myth(s) about the russian women and their traditional values. It is easier to swallow.
I'm definitely not opposed to marrying a russian woman. Any man can do so, but just be honest as to why you are doing it. Also, select one within your age group. My suggestion is under a 10 year age difference, and no more than that. Certainly a russian woman 10-20 years younger will marry you, but I guarantee it won't last when she sees younger available men in the US. She'll also see that she is "diffferent" in that regard amongst the american female population. If you are an average-looking guy, then seek an average looking russian bride. If you're a hunk, then you probably can go to the next level of gorgeous babe. If you can't get dates now in the american female population, the seek the more homely russian women. I'm being honest based on my experience and knowing several of these women married to friends here. I've also dated some who ditched their american husbands looking for the "greener grass". Thousands of them in the USA already.
You know all the other stuff to watch for, but make sure you have some deep pockets once they arrive here as the expenses continue from clothes, food, english lessons, driving lessons, medical, dental, car, insurance, gas and a ton of incidentals. They can't work right away and the jobs they get are usually of the low-paying variety. I also found that they "detest" helping with household expenses. All of the ones I know "resent" having to contribute anything to run the house, and what they do give is very minimal. They also become "americanized" very quickly...come on guys, they have eyes and can see material objects very well from clothes to cars and houses.
I let one 43 yo gal "borrow" my car for a week as she alleged hers was stolen. I found out later it was repossessed. I finally got may car back 4 weeks later after I demanded it back. She brought it to me dirty and on empty. She said I'm american and have more money. She's been in the US 5 years, ditched her hubby after 2. She was a funtime for awhile outside of the car incident.
Larry, I don't know if anyone have shared this with you,but this is the spoils of trying to find your true-love. Love is alway a gamble; you either play the game or fold your cards and go home. You're going to have some ups and downs; stay in the game with limitations. "Quitters never win"
Oh, yes, they are so materialistic, those women. I am sure if we asked those women we would hear another part of the story, and I am sure very different. Of course, no one American dude whose Russian wife left him will never admit she did it because he was dam cold hearted. The best way to look like a hurt angel to say she wanted to come here but she never wanted me. My former husband is saying the same… But I know how many times he pushed me away and rejected me when I needed him, wanted him… And there was only one thing that I wanted from him… He, himself… He never even tried to get closer. So, I think Russian wives leave you not because you don’t have money but because you aren’t’ able to love. That’s very simple.
I can tell you a story about Larisa, from Berdyansk 38 y.o. beautiful girl, divorced, piano teacher with the university. Met her on Anastasiaweb.com, and after writing and calling her, I visited her in Kiev....and then 3 months later in Yalta.
We eventually had sex the last time...and she discovered my vasectomy and dumped me! Said she had many men offer her marriage from the US with a life of leisure and travel...etc. but that she wanted kids!
Her profile said NOTHING of children....and, she would never remover her profile from the site, even though I almost begged her to do so. And, she STILL has the same profile up there. NO changes! So, wouldn't a normal, up-front girl have the sense to change her profile if she had that problem?
Guys, let me tell you about the girl from Ekaterinburg I date presently. The beginning was more then fine, it was marvelous. Even my visit to her was splendid, we looked each other in the eyes and that certain spark started tingling between us. She's single, lawyer and translator by profession which is all well cause she could work in my agency. Presently, she works as an auditor for the Sverdlovsk Railroads. By the way, she's Russian Orthodox and I'm Roman Catholic which is actually of no importance on my side because if two people love each other religion's the least important. It appeared to be the same way to her even during her visit to the town in Croatia where I live and run my translation agency. She was eager to get married with me, relocate, work as a translator and open her own lawyer practice.
Two months after her return to Russia she got me shocked and worried. She told me that marrying a Catholic is "fornication" in the eyes of her church (happens not to be true, have checked it myself) and that she could be thrown out of her community for that.She also said that our future kids will have to be raised orthodox because only SHE would be responsible for the education of HER children.
Where does this fanaticism come from? She never showed it in none of her letters, there was no trace of it while we spent a wonderful time together. She simply doesn't realize how deeply emotionally she hurt me. Please don't understand me wrong, I wouldn't have anything against of raising our kids in Orthodox faith as long as they get introduced to the faith of my forefathers as well, as long as we mutually decide about the education of them. Later on, being off age, they'll decide which way to accept.
I'm really stupefied and appalled by so much intolerance on her side. Don't know what to do and what to think.
Hello, Just to let you know the first time I picked the wrong girl too ,she was just to young and to immature. Her name was Irina, she was only 18 and a virgin when we met. Not to get in to all the details she just was not the one for me. Thank god I did the fiancée visa. The first thing I needed to do was to get her back on the plan, so I had to pretend every thing was great and that we would do anther visa later. That we should both take a little time off and see how the future goes. I did this because I knew if I said I did not want to get married she would not leave. Shortly after she got back home I sent a letter to her to tell her that was that. If I had done like a lot of the other guys do and get married in her country it would have been a disaster. And it would have ended up in a divorce. That is why I say thank god for the fiancée visa.
The day she left I booked a ticked back to Russia and a week later I was meeting more beautiful women. Still a little bit depressed it was hard the first couple of days. By the end of my trip I had forgotten about Irina and was thinking about three other girls I had met. The best thing about foreign women is you have lots and lots of options. When dating women in the US I would get real depressed after A break up and had a hard time dating again. Some times months and months before I met some one again. Now if it does not work out I know I can be in a new relationship with better more beautiful women than I had in just a week. All it takes is a plane ticket. Just so many choices and opportunities
That was 10 years ago, now I have been happily married for 9 years.
'Looks like I totally picked the wrong girl. Now what?
Larry from San Francisco crying in his beer'
Hey Larry, please don't regret of anything. There's nobody perfect over here. There are some kind of imperfections are in all of us. As we all know that nobody is perfect. So never judge a person by seeing all his/her bad qualities. Try to compare her actions with yours, like what you will be doing if you'll be in the same situation. Put yourself in her shoes. And for being together you have to accept a person with her bad and good qualities. We have made some compromises. And if the compromises are countless than I would suggest you to go for divorce (but that should be in extreme situations). Thanks!
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