As the title says I am a 26 year old virgin male and I've been wanting to lose my virginity since I was 17. I respect that some people want to remain virgins and and others don't care that they're virgins but it's not how I personally feel.
I have been living at home with my parents since 2005 and I am not in full time employment. I had a spell at university, needless to say I never had sex with anybody. It's a really horrible feeling and the older I get the time seems to fly by quicker. I can see myself remaining a virgin for the rest of my life and it gives me this cold, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I feel that my youth has gone, not that I am middle aged - just those opportunities of my teens and early twenties are forever lost with my thirties approaching. I admit, I feel envious / jealous when I hear about people's sexual experiences, however bad that may be of me.
I've been thinking I might as well just cut it off because my desire for women just causes me pain. I don't feel that I can attain my desires, I don't have any confidence and (as I have heard so many times before) confidence is key. Maybe I resent that I have to be confident before someone will sleep with me, however self-defeating that may be. I'm quite introverted and guarded in social situations, around people I don't know at least. There was a time when I realized I needed to "put myself out there" but I couldn't think of what to do or where to go really. I live fifteen miles from the nearest city and I don't have my own means of transport but realized that I'd have to either walk for get a taxi home. I went out a couple of times, by myself. The main reason for going by myself was because I have issues with competition. My friends are all more confident and outgoing than me and it's them that get all the attention from the females. I just don't feel that I can compete and I get depressed about it so the only way around this I could think of was to go out by myself. The handful of times I've been out by myself to the city I went to some pubs and clubs but obviously didn't get anywhere. Plus, I felt pathetic, wretched, desperate and out on a limb... the people there were with their friends.
I think there has been a handful of opportunities these last last nine years to have sex but I either didn't play my cards right or I wasn't in the right frame of mind and passed the opportunity by. At times, I was comparing myself to the guys they'd been with previously and I just felt inferior to those men and thought I would not be as good as them in bed. Also, the times when I've been intimate with a woman I've become very nervous and started shaking and my mind kind of foggs over and I can't relax or feel good.
I joined an online dating site and the women there my age are in a completely different place to me, they've had plenty of sex and now they're looking to settle down in a relationship whilst I still haven't even lost my virginity. They're totally against one night stands, casual sex, and given my circumstance I'm not - however sleazy that may sound. I think if I'd had a lot of sex over the years I might be less interested in having sex and more interested in a commited relationship but I haven't and there's just too much I need to get out of my system. I would feel insecure being with someone who had had previous sexual partners because I've had none. I would have to gain some sexual experience before I became involved with someone who was sexually experienced. I'm thinking I'd probably only feel on equal grounds with someone who was as inexperienced as me because then I wouldn't inferior or inadequate.
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